A THRILLING FRIENDSHIP

Despite the advancements man has made over thousands of evolutionary years, there are still several questions that he has no clear answers to. These include questions whose solution lies in life-threatening experimentation, and questions that no one ever thought important enough to ponder over. One such dreaded yet often mistakenly ignored question is- Why do dogs chase bikers?
At this moment, an intelligent reader is tempted to think that this writer is trying too hard to be funny, and that deliberation over this question really isn’t worth any print space. But you’re likely to take me more seriously when I tell you that I have personally carried out several experiments in this regard, and that, if you follow some of these tips, not every dog on the road would evoke fear inside your soul.
First, understand the dog you’re going to meet. With experience, you can distinguish between a rowdy dog and an intellectually occupied one just by looking at the two. The rowdy one, the one that takes pleasure in watching a man crazily shift gears to escape the scene, will often have large, inexpressive eyes, an upright tail, and a certain air of superiority about it. Avoid these guys.
However, most dogs like to present themselves as ‘man’s best friend…blah blah’ because that gets them glucose biscuits and loving pats. To preserve this cute image, they would almost never chase you in public. The chase is most likely to occur in a lonely place early morning or late night.
You must also realise that even though a pack of hounds chasing you is somewhat horrifying, usually the goal of this group-chase is not a piece of your leg. The entire exercise is either just show-off, or a lesson in teamwork. Also, contrary to popular perception, dogs are more Swiss in their political outlook than American. So while they’d defend their own territory fiercely, they would not use the chase as an excuse to get into someone else’s area.
If you’re still scared, there are two useful methods you could employ to cut a chase short. The first is ‘timely distraction’- Carry some edibles like leftover chapaatis in your pockets when you’re venturing out during odd hours, and fling them at the chase party when it gets too close. A friend tells me that shouting at the dogs in a voice louder than their barking also works, but I’m yet to test this idea for fear of receiving a slipper from some human dwelling’s balcony.
The second method, called ‘the royal ignore,’ works on a similar principle, but needs a bit of courage. It is to be used when you think you can’t outrun the hounds, or when speeding away would be too dangerous. In this, as the dogs approach, casually park the bike at the roadside, look upwards, and appear to count the stars in the sky. Then, take out your cellphone and nonchalantly send a message to your girlfriend. All this while, pretend not to have noticed the howling beasts at all.
Believe me, this little act confuses dogs to the edge. In fact, if you slyly look at them from the corner of your eyes at this juncture, you’re likely to find them embarrassedly staring at each other!
All said, be a sport and never try to run a dog over or hurt it some other way. Some people even contemplate poisoning dogs on the streets, but that’s cruel and cowardly and un-bikerlike. Even If all the above methods fail, being chased by a dog at least gives you a chance to test your bike’s acceleration and top speed, doesn’t it?